You stand in front of what appears to be an old lab. The sign is broken, but even through half lit neon lights you can pick out “Heimerdinger’s R&D.” The façade looks rusted and worn, but you decide to enter regardless. The room is not well lit, but a small florescent light shines in the back. Quietly walking over to the light, you can pick out the silhouette of a small telephone type booth. You walk over and open the door to the booth. Looking inside, an insidious machine seems to glare back out at you. Seeing something move in the corner of your eye, you hear a “gotcha” before you get tackled into the machine. Suddenly, the ground beneath you seems to give way as the entire booth is thrust into a swirling vortex. When the spinning stops you find that you have landed in a jungle.
My, you aren’t the intruder I thought you were. I thought you were after my master’s creations. As you can probably tell, I am the famous warrior, Full Metal Pantheon. I merely thought you were a normal thief, and treated you as such. I do apologize for my crude behavior. Regardless, you and I have been thrown into a time machine, and if my sensors are correct, we are in an old Aztec ruin. Given our travel through time, I would bet that this is not a ruin, but the civilization at its peak. Regardless, I require a one-time payment of 487 RP if you wish to stay alive and return home.
What’s this? My sensors are picking up League-based combat. I sense that two different versions of Nocturne and Karma are fighting over in the valley. My long ranged scanners detect Sun Goddess Karma, and she appears to be stronger than usual. Her radiant fans seem to be combating the darkness quite well. My readings indicate that a reasonable price to hire her would be 375 RP, should you wish to acquire them.
The other combatant, Ravager Nocturne, seems to be struggling against Karma. His normally effective darkness is being dispersed by Karma’s sun powers. My power readings indicate that his strength is diminishing rapidly as Karma wears him down. This may be a boon to you should you deem it necessary to acquire his services. My estimates for a good bargaining price would be around 260 RP.
What’s this? More champions fighting? Over to the east it seems that there are three champions engaged in combat. Based on my meteorology probe, the fluctuations in wind indicate that Janna is among them. Her gale-force winds are something to be feared, and it would behoove us to stay away from the combat zone. My record of services indicate that her price would be around 292 RP.
I also detect Varus in the distance, fighting in the brawl. His arrows are usually corrosive, but my master has upgraded my armor. With the new metal alloy plate, I am able to ignore most corrosive substances. Unfortunately, his arrows are fired at a velocity my plate armor can’t fully protect against. It may be easier to purchase his services rather than fight him head on. A small bribe of 487 RP should lessen our difficulties.
The last of the three is hard to pick out, but it appears that Yorick is the remaining combatant. His ghouls are a pain, even for me. In my data banks, I have stored a joke for such an opportunity to better illustrate his position in the League. The joke is as follows: Yorick walks into a bar, but there is no counter. In many online forums, this joke is massively overused, but people still “laugh out loud” and “roll on the floor laughing.” My limited knowledge of humor deems this response as an overreaction. Regardless, Yorick can be purchased for 440 RP.
During his conversation with you, Heimerdinger walks up and suddenly unplugs Pantheon. The lifeless body of Pantheon clatters to the ground as Heimerdinger looks at you.
Sorry about all that, it was a malfunctioning toy project of mine. No, you did not travel back in time, that was the other booth. This one just takes you to Summoner’s Rift. Again summoner, you may leave now while I reset Pantheon. Anyway, if he’s something you like, feel free to swing by my lab and purchase him. I’ll leave him operational from July 19th to July 22nd should you choose to pick him up.